1st June, 2026 - Journal

May was brutal but hey :) I'm still here!

The text summary is as follows;

2026 Goals

• No-Buy-Year
• Personal Savings Goal
• Monthly Journal Check-Ins

This month was hard and meant a knock to the savings. What can you do?

June Goals

1. Secret Project Production
2. Move over to Linux
3. Draw Something (anything)

17th May, 2026 - May Checkpoint

Normally I'd write about how far along I am with my projects but this weekend I got some bad news so I'd rather just acknowledge that and give myself the space to process some emotions. My childhood cat is losing weight and the vet isn't sure why. Now, this old lady is very old. She's 20. I should have always expected... something! She can't live forever - I know this. It's just been hard witnessing her decline so suddenly and steeply. She's not at the point of needing to be rushed to an emergency vet but she needs an ultrasound to speculate what's causing the weight issues. I've been quoted for full sedation for the procedure which totally caught me off guard because, well, she's literally 20. My usual vet has always steered clear of diagnostics that require that because of the risks.

The specialist I'd have to book in with was closed so I couldn't call to inquire today. That'll have to be a Monday thing I s'pose. It's just been a lot to process this weekend. I've been so fortunate to have her previous visits be "incredibly boring" to quote her usual vet. I know she's 20. I know I should see this coming, she had lost some weight between her last visits but we'd changed up her eating habits to encourage more food and I just... I really thought she had hopefully at least maintained her weight. She's already so lithe for her frame that her losing more... it's just hard to see.

I'm very lucky to have a supportive partner who's primary concern is helping me through this emotional time. I've had to grieve a lot this past two years; details I won't get into, but I've had a succession of deaths/life changes that's been difficult to process. I don't want to "add her to the list" of stuff I need to take time to parse.

My only concern is to focus on diagnosis and care - if it can be managed then great! We'll manage it. If it can't... then I will make every day of her retirement until the end as comfortable and peaceful as I promised I would.

2nd May, 2026 - Journal

We're a little late but we got the right spirit.

The text version boils down to the following...

2026 Goals

• No-Buy-Year
• Personal Savings Goal
• Monthly Journal Check-Ins

May Goals

1. Starlight Senshi Video (Cont.)
2. Keep Meal Prep Schedule
3. Record a "Lets Get Into It"
4. Clear MS11 in Final Fantasy 14

18th Apr, 2026 - April Checkpoint

Brothers I straight up forgot half the goals for this month cause work has been hectic. I'm so glad I've stopped in here so I can re-eval what's happening so far... there is a chance I can get the Starlight Senshi video done OR a script finished for Let's Get Into It. I don't think I can realistically do both. BUT! I have achieved excellent results with meal prep and with amending a piece of clothings :) I won't spoil what clothing was fixed, you'll see pictures of that when I release the May video.

Also, wow, May already. Like, not literally right this second but it's just around the corner. Time keeps passing and I'm struck with how fast the years are feeling. I s'pose it's true what they say about how when you're 16, you've only experience 1/16th of your life in context. The older you get the shorter that ratio of a year is going to feel. Without getting too philosophical I think we need to give grace to teens who feel like the bad times are unending. In context, that ratio of time just feels different. Anyroad...

I am thoroughly enjoying my time looking into Linux options and cannot wait to launch into testing that fully on my main PC. For now I'm trialing Linux Mint on my laptop. It's incredibly basic daily driving but damn it's so refreshing just not seeing ads the second I log into something. Right now I'm using Obsidian to write scripts and keep notes for the Starlight Senshi team and it's just got me so energized working in an ecosystem that can seamlessly port over to another note app program. I'll probably stick with Obsidian, it does the trick just fine for me. Next will be looking for little plugins for usability (thinking a PDF viewing inside Obsidian will be somewhat essential). Beyond that it's really about getting the spare PC up and running for labbing solutions vis-a-vis DaVinci Resolve and other programs. Some I can swap for suitable FOSS alternatives, others I'll need to find workarounds... we'll see what I'm left with by the end of the year.

3rd Apr, 2026 - Linux

I have vaguely plotted out moving to Linux in June. This was more a matter of when rather than if. But I think the most shocking part about looking into Linux and shortlisting distros to test and the like, is just that I actually am excited about technology now! Like, the idea of designing home infrastructure around what we need rather than the bloatware that we're served is incredibly appealing. I don't want to rosetint it, I'm sure there will be frustrating elements. I'm not an especially patient person when it comes to tech troubleshooting - I can get easily frustrated and overwhelmed. I think the thing that's keeping me optimistic is just hope. Hope that this change will inspire me to make other changes in my life to improve things.

It's clear to me that convenience is so readily served for a reason. It's "frictionless". The trouble with that is it's leaving determination out of my hands and in the hands of another entity that I don't even remotely trust to have my best interest [gestures vaguely at articles of every data breach, every consumer law broken or actively skirted, etc]. I want friction in my life again, I want to be challenged, I want to grow. Currently I'm looking at the very popular distros. I still require a lot of my tools to keep working so something "mainstream" (ie Fedora, Mint, Zorin) are the frontrunners to trial because there are already community support threads open for the exact apps I need. Wish me luck!

1st Apr, 2026 - Journal

Aaaaaaaaaand we're back.

The text version boils down to the following...

2026 Goals

• No-Buy-Year
• Personal Savings Goal
• Monthly Journal Check-Ins

Savings goal took a bit of a hit because I didn't budget well enough for the trip but I'm satisfied with where things are at currently. I'm especially keen to get back onto the Monthly Journal horse after taking the break for March!

April Goals

1. Starlight Senshi Video
2. Amend a piece of clothing
3. Keep Meal Prep Schedule
4. Script a "Lets Get Into It"
5. Start pre-production for a secret project

My brain space has been totally occupied by Holly Hollowtones rendition of Sora in Do No Harm (Real Time Fandub). It's just so peak I can't-

17th Feb, 2026 - February Checkpoint

Over halfway through February and I have gone sooooo far in on my first goal to continue Starlight Senshi progress that I have... kinda fallen off my second point of keeping onto a food schedule. I really should try and prioritize some time for journalling - work through what's going on in the dome. I know I can get back on the horse, and it's not like I've entirely forgone eating. It's more like I've just readily subbed in quick food/take out rather than commit the ten minutes to kickstart the meal prep process.

I will say that the time invested in Starlight Senshi has paid off rather well. I genuinely think I've made some great strides with my art. It's not that each piece is perfect, but rather that each piece I've actively pushed to do something a little different. I have stared at so much other art to try and create a more dynamic pose, or play with the render style, or general mood/characterization. I'm pretty proud of it. It's kidna nice to see that jump. It's been really motivating and I reckon my friends are gonna be hype to see the art I've made for them :)

Other than that, I'm gonna leave this here rather short and sweet. A little to ponder on but that's for me and my journal to work through.

1st Feb, 2026 - Journal

Wow I remembered to come back and do a part 2!

The text version boils down to the following...

2026 Goals

• No-Buy-Year
• Personal Savings Goal
• Monthly Journal Check-Ins

Going strong with these goals. I'd call this a solid 2/3 completed. I've successfully not bought anything additional over the course of January. My Personal Savings Goal took a small knock due to needing to give my studio assistant, Icy, a vet visit (she's 20 years old). Monthly Journal Check-In, well... here we are!

February Goals

1. Starlight Senshi Progress
2. Keep Meal Prep Schedule Going
3. Catch Up with Family

We finally have our first addition to the Then And Now. I'll be honest I struggled to fill the last point because I haven't been physically journally as much of late which impacts my memory. I did end up remembering a key thing that I'm proud of!

19th Jan, 2026 - January Checkpoint

Just over halfway into Jan and how are my goals looking? I gotta give myself some credit, I think it's going well. I have finished a sewing project (technically two but the first was a warm up). I've written two thirds of the script for a "Let's Get Into It". I'm three sketches down on Starlight Senshi progress out of seven. I'd say I'm about half and half on the meal prep plan, eheh, could be better but work has been absolutely hectic. There's been a huge amount of swapping days and futzing schedules. That said, I want to try and take more stock of how I'm doing with these sorts of things. I get so heavily focused on a production mindset - a byproduct of capitalism and low self esteem to justify my existence. Which, I will say, is nonsense. I'm allowed to exist outside of that conditioning. It takes time and effort and conscious practice to untangle that conditioning though. So, good job me, you didn't mix-max your tasks but that's because it's being taken a day at a time to make some work.

The progress on sewing is really good, now I just gotta... get the materials to do a "real" project. You'll see when I post about it, but the practice ones really aren't practical. I'm not going to be able to use them but they were really important for me to get a sense of drafting and frabric in a 3D way. Needing to turn things inside out and imagine structure really does a number on the noggin. I want to amend some clothes I own but the idea of taking apart a garment is really scary - eek, I say! Perhaps I'll work on another pattern piece from scratch, but instead I'll actually find a pattern to follow rather than inventing the project wholecloth. I'm going to let my March goals guide that because February is going to be so intensely busy I'm not packing a new hobby in there.

The script is coming along and I really just need to set aside another afternoon to bash out the draft and source the reference materials. I already had the idea swimming around my brain so it's nice to finally start seeing it on the page. There's this line that June, from GinjaNinjaOwO, once said about not keeping ideas stored in your brain and risk them dying with you. It feels really important to me to get this particular project going. I just want to gush about stuff. It's such a fun passtime. It's also just nice to get working on a non-fiction piece of writing. Perhaps it'll inspire some more fiction writing again further down the line.

I really like the art I've made thus far, I'm taking the time to be away from it so I can come back with a clearer vision. Revisions truly feel a lot easier when I give my brain time to percolate on the concept. A very "shocked pikachu face" concept - I know. Despite knowing that, fundamentally, it's a good thing to allow time away from art to give your brain a chance to refresh, it'll still surprise me everytime how much it truly improves a piece. I'm also trying to go bolder and more dynamic with the posing. It's a struggle - but so is anything outside the immediate comfort zone. It'll hopefully be the way I expand that comfort zone again! A sleeper hit of this process is just taking the time to look at more art. I need to start adding speedpaints to my YouTube watch list again. Really looking at art, taking multiple minutes to appreciate the choices made in it. It truly goes a long way in informing my process for Starlight Senshi.

I think I'll leave it there, this was a spur of the moment thought to do a check-in - I'm glad I did it though.

1st Jan, 2026 - Journal

This is acting as a bit of a companion piece to my video.

The text version boils down to the following...

2026 Goals

• No-Buy-Year*
• Personal Savings Goal
• Monthly Journal Check-Ins

*My intent is to be more considerate of not just buying "stuff". Things in purpose to a furniture goal, or a sewing project, etc - those things are to be budgetted for formally. The stuff, however, here's hoping I can get through the No-Buy-Year successfully!

January Goals

1. Starlight Senshi Progress
2. Finish 1 Sewing Project
3. Keep Meal Prep Schedule Going
4. Finish 1 "Let's Get Into It"
5. Video Check-In for Feb

I also wanted to do a little Then And Now to compare the months of the year. I hope I can reflect on them at the end of the year and fondly recall all the changes throughout the months :)

28th Dec, 2025 - Experimenting

After poking around neocities for a little I came across a blog that referenced Tessisamess' materials and instantly knew I wanted to port over my blogging to this style of page. Something about it feels like old school fictions I used to read on random folks sites - especially old style tumblr with folks doing custom html for their books. It feels super comfortable; and mercifully the code is incredibly straightforward which'll make writing here supes easy.

With the method sorted I quite like the idea of this being a stream of consciousness because... well... it's my little slice of the internet. I've been so inspired by some folks on neocities and how they cultivate these beautiful pockets of self expression and interests. Having all my thoughts sequestered into here and keeping all the micro-blogging/updates/art to their spaces will help me organize my thoughts... that's at least the thinking to it and there's no knowing until I try it for a bit!

Here's to the new year!

18th Dec, 2025 - FOMO Who?

Damn I dunno if it's just aging or having a series of separate emotional catharsis moments this year but it's become infinitely easier to not give a shit about FOMO this and consumption that. I think this is the first year where I've really had a distaste for buying shit even at the encouragment of others because... stuff and things just isn't worth it anymore. When abundance is abound and it's all the thinnest, most threadbare, most cheaply made and designed and output why should I put value in this type of abundance.

I'm definitely in my feelings at the moment but, just... idk y'all. If I want a shirt I want to sew it and have it fit me with a material that'll last longer than a year. If I want to play a game without genAI bullshit in it there's an entire backlog through decades of gaming that I could crack open. It's all contingent on IF as well. I'm just actually so content with life, making my doodles, chatting with friends, and hopefully now that I'm settled after the move engaging in real local community again.

It becomes infinitely easier to step back from hype and nonsense when you already have joys available to you and when you aren't terrified of sitting in the quiet.